Avleigh's Journey

No parent should ever experience the loss of a child. It is just not in the natural rhythm of our being. We are mentally programmed into the belief that we will raise our children, see them graduate from kindergarten, graduate from high school, get married, have children, and as you get old you will admire the family and life that they have built. When you lose that child, no matter the age, you are left with a disconnect that is just not comprehendible. That is not the order in which the circle of life is supposed to go! Most of you have read my posts and already know some of the raw feelings that a parent feels when they lose their child. It goes through phases. Disbelief, numbness, depression, fear, and even happiness from the pride you have to be blessed as their parent. The part that many do not speak of is what happens three, five, ten years down the road?

From the outside it appears as though you have “healed”. It’s almost like being in recovery, right? But that healing is not forever. Now, don’t get me wrong. There are still plenty ways to find happiness in life post the loss of a child. It’s not that you don’t miss them, but you begin to live more in their memory. You see the good that was brought not only upon you, but also others just from their presence in the world. And that is what you begin to hold on to as time passes. It is not that it gets easier, or that you heal, it is that you learn better ways to deal with the loss. You can find yourself smiling and enjoying life. You feel the strength to make the decision to choose happiness, because you know that is what they would want, continues to increase as time passes.

The memories will never fade. Whether they are spoken of or not, those memories, their name, their face, their sound, will always remain at the forefront of your mind. Sometimes those memories will bring joy and happiness and other times you will feel that loss all over again deep down in your soul. Especially when someone close to your family or community goes through a tragedy. You feel for them because you know what they are going through. You understand it. You are reminded that you lived it. That is when we hit those waves head on. The water begins to storm and you just hold on to whatever lifeboat that you have created for yourself. For me it’s writing. It helps me to calm my storm and once again recover from the hurt. We push through for ourselves, for our family, and for that day when we will also walk through those gates of heaven.