Avleigh's Journey

Most people wait until the second trimester to make any type of public announcements when they are pregnant. This is mostly a form of self protection for the unforeseen chances that the pregnancy doesn’t survive. Although we didn’t make any official announcements, we did decided to share our story on Avleigh’s Journey for those families in silence or those going through what we are and are in need of support. Those families need to know they are not alone. Yes, keeping the wonderful news secret is the safe way to go. It will save the public sadness and grief that everyone is so afraid to experience. But the truth is the grief and sadness will still be there. It’s a matter of facing it alone or with the support from your family and friends. As a dear friend of mine once told me “celebrate today”. And that we did…

At our two week ultrasound we were able to see the little embryo growing. Although he was a little smaller than expected, he was there. We left that appointment “cautiously optimistic”. We followed up again a week later where we were able to see his little heart fluttering and he was growing. It was a beautiful sight and some sighs of relieve after all we had been through. We decided to celebrate the happiness and used the Fourth of July weekend to surprise our family with the announcement that our little baby is a boy!

Since we are such a high risk pregnancy, we have weekly ultrasounds to closely monitor the growth and development. At our 8 week scan the devastation, the unexpected happened. Not only was the little heart flutter no longer visible, but the entire embryo was gone. Yes, you read that right… he completely absorbed and the sack was empty. I could feel all my blood rushing through my body. What are the odds of this happening to one family again. The theory is that the embryo that was transferred was a “bad embryo”.

Waiting for Alyssa to get home from summer academy was very nerve racking. I knew this news would cause her more hurt and trigger emotions that we all try so hard to control. When you have a loss like this it’s not just this loss that you mourn for. The grief for Avleigh and the other two pregnancies come back with such strength that you feel like you will break. It’s like living each of those moments all over again, but together as one. Although her response was just was I was expecting, it didn’t help my mommy heart any. “Why does this keep happening to us, why us?” We tried our best to answer her questions the best that we could. The important thing, especially right now, is for us as a family to be there for each other as we learn to live with yet another loss.

On the medical side, they will be performing additional test during the D&C to try to identify if our luck is really that poor to have “bad embryo” with our own and with donors or if there is something with my uterus that isn’t providing what the embryo needs to develop. Once we get those answers, we will know how to proceed with our remaining donated embryo.

I do not regret our decision to tell our story. It will be harder if/when someone wishes to give us their condolences. Especially if it is in public. For the sake of our family’s healing, we simply ask to keep condolences and support private by calling or messaging us outside of a public area.